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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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5:45 pm
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American pop culture ruins all of my fun! I hate it. Let me explain. I loved this one unique song that no one I knew ever heard before. It was mine... and I loved it. My family had heard it and liked it also. It's called Woo Hoo by the 5.6.7.8.'s. It's an awesome song. It was on Kill Bill. A japanese group was playing it right before the major fight sceane with the japanese people against beatrix. Not many people that have watched that movie payed much attention to the minor detail... but that's when I was introduced to it. Now modern america has taken over my song and has added it into many commercails; car commercails, credit card commercails.... everything! Plus Nancy off of Nacy and Mike in the morning show (on Mix 100.7) is in love with that song... and spreading it all across the tampa bay area. Wonderful! MY SONG IS NO LONGER MY SONG! *cries* Okay.
Yesterday I drank five water bottles. I always knew I drank a lot of water, but I never knew five bottles a day, and it looks like i'm heading for six today. This is my water schedual: Two or three water bottles in school, one when I get home or after dinner, and one before I got to bed. I'm going water crazy! SOMEONE HELP ME! And whenever I don't drink water I feel all... nasty, sick and dehigrated (sp?).
I yelled at Jessica Wolf today. *bows* She was being rude, so I yelled at her. My face was red when I was yelling, I could tell from the hot feeling. It was right before the woodwind sectional after school. She hit me because she claimed that I hit her "hurt" leg. I was far away... so I don't know how that worked out. And when she hit me, I told her to stop, but she did it again, so I pushed my clarinet against her leg and told her to stop, but she hit me again. Ooooo. Don't mess with me Jessie. I yelled at her and the whole clarinet sectional was all... looking at me. I won. *gloats*
We did a F-CAT practice thing on tuesday and we finished checking it today in Science. I forgot my exact score, but it wasn't really good. There was this really weird question, the last one, but I got half points for that for writing something down, even though my thought process was somewhere else.
My cold is finally passing. I have a loose cough every now and then (especially when I'm playing my clarinet) and my nose is a little stuffy, and I still have some pressure on my head.
My hair got on my nerves today. When I was styling it... it just didn't go how I wanted it to, so I got mad at it and wanted to cut it all off. I just get frustrated because I want to do something with it, but I don't know what. I don't know what style to do with it, if I should straighten it again so I wouldn't be all... curly, or if I should die it. It's so confusing.
-EffenSweet
current mood:  anxious
current music: Last Train Home - Lost Prophets
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| Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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4:56 pm
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Today my mom was taken out of Babcock by security. Yes, she does take her temper to far sometimes, but most of the time it's the other person's fault for being foolish enough to upset her enough to make her that mad. There's this Babcock dude, right? Okay. Well he told my mom to come in today for the full payment. He was also telling her to catch up with her entire payment. The manager before him specifically said 'Ten dollors a month. You can pay the other twenty off later, or we can push it off into other months, and make your payment plan longer.' my mom even recieved a note saying that. She told him that information yesterday. He called her a liar. There are two things you don't do with my mom... 1) Drive badly and 2) Call her a liar. Oh, she got so mad yesterday from that. She also told him why the dude two days before didn't come and retrieve the bed, because she had called the office and the lady said she would talk to him. He called her a liar for that, too. So today she went in to give him the payment and he started all of this crap with her. She told him off. They were yelling at each other in the store... In front of everyone. He was telling my mom about how it was a story that we had money problems, and that the note with evidence of the lady saying to pay only $10 a month was a story and was made up. He ripped the only evidence we had up right infront of her and through it away. I knew she wanted to kick him right there, but for money purposes... and not wanting to go to court for making him "unfertal anylonger", she didn't. He called security and... well that was it. She was so mad.
I remember her yelling at a police officer, many of my teachers, a principal, the pastor's wife, and many more random people roaming the streets of Lakeland, Florida, but this was the worst of all. She was sweeting intencely, and I knew she wanted to cry, but was staying stable for my sake.
Today people at our lunch table were talking about how their parents act when they're mad at them. Well I felt left out of the conversation; not that I want my parents to get mad at me, though. I don't really know how they act, because neither has really actually been mad at me. My mom has never had any problem with me, just a few times of not cleaning my room, but she asks very politly and I do it. My father just says to do it and I do. There has been a few times that I haven't informed him of a few things, or I informed him late, and he was little weird acting, but thats it. When I was younger and did anything bad, such as say "shut-up", hurt anyone physically, or bother anyone I would get a spanking. I got only about three spankings in my life. I have been grounded only once, and for a week. That was all before the age of seven. Since then I haven't been punished or anything. I don't know if its that my parents have stronger tolerance for a teenager or if its just me. I think my mom has a stronger tolerance, and I think they both know its just me.
My dad takes advantage of the situation, and so does his wife, Janie. Her children would do terrible things to her, and I think she enjoys having a teenager actually listen to her. It's just she takes it over the top. She's thinking what I do is now the standered for any "good teenager" and acts like that with every random teenager, bossing them around. I can see their griping in their expression while they perform any task for her. But my dad and step-mom always pick on me, say rude things and constantly tell me to do things, and I just hold my tounge for any comment I want to say. I just hope they realize how lucky they are to have me act calm with them.
Today I lost my chapstick. This has been the first time in a long time. Last year I would loose it all the time, but this year I think it was the first. I needed it since lunch, and I couldn't find it. I just had to sit through it until I got him. If you're a fellow "chap-sick addict" then you know what I'm talking about. You just feel a need for your lips to be moist, and when they're not, its weird feeling and it makes you feel... all.. dry.
I had to stay after for National Junior Honor Society today. We had to pick a new vice president since Kaitlin left. Once she left, Matt became president from the vice president stage, so we needed a new one. Becca wanted to become it so we closed our eyes and would hold our hands up to vote for either her, or someone from the other half of the entire NJHS group. I closed my eyes and clamped my hands over my eyes. Before we closed our eyes Krysta was talking about how she couldn't do that, she just would want to look. I guess I have the same problem. I do that during church and during prayer. I just peak out every now and then, I don't know way. I guess for safty purposes. Well I closed my eyes with my hands over my eyes for protection so I would peak and I noticed there was hole at the bottom of my hands. I looked down and saw my feet and there was feet beyond that. It was Krysta's! I wanted to just softy bump my shoe toe with part of her shoe, just because it was her's. I just wanted to touch her for some reason. I had already accidentally touched my leg against her's, accept that was actually an accident. I just wanted to touch her! *freaky-weird-kid* I voted to Becca, and she won.
For TSA Kristina and I looked at pictures of architecture by different digital-photography artists. Some of them perfered the more elegent style of buildings, the type cathedroles are made out from. I like that story for my side-town, Gothum. I want it to be very elegant looking, and some-what gloomy for that down. Most of the people are gothic in that town anyways. Other artists took pictures of more modern style architecture. I like more of that style of Carnagie, the setting of my story. Carnagie is the total opposite of Gothum. Colorful, furturistic, modern and odd art in every building. Most of it done in glass. The library I already have planned out. Its like a big circular building, with side elevators that are located out side of it, so you could access the elevators from either inside or outside. Very cool looking. And very large. It's all made out of clear glass, and its located near the largest lake in Carnagie called Lake Carner. It has a clear view of the lake and the mountain beyond it. I also have the Mental Hospital planned out. It is going to be one of the largest buildings in Carnagie and set off to the side. The outer layer seen by anyone outside of the building is going to be covered by colorful glass. The glass is going to be shaped as if it was a massive piece of glass just broken... so it will have large sharp edges... except it it so large that the edges aren't actually sharp. its very pretty. The glass surrounding the main office area (in the front of the hospital) is going to be red, and the rest is going to have yellow glass surrounding it; yellow is known to be the favorite color for the majority of crazy people. But rememeber... some crazy people are actually deathly afraid of yellow.. so that says a lot. *must develop an insane character that hates yellow.. and practically goes crazier as he/she gets closer to the large YELLOW building*
The other town boardering is Dark Hollow... and that's Nicole's town, so I can't speak of how I want it to look, because it already has a style: run down and ugly. Ew. Lol, but it fits the story line of her story and characters that live in it so therefore its perfect.
As school goes on, and I loose interest of what is going on, I start planning either character development or town development. I am practically done with all of my characters, so that leaves a lot of room for town development. I have recently fixed the problem I had with Elmo/Jessie, but now I still have Fiona, Akira, Dido and probably Kahal.
When I think about Fiona is a mix of Akira and Fiha. Fiona is obsessed with kael (fiha is obsessed with kahal) and then Fiona bothers the Unkind troupe and so does Fiona... except Akira is all... icky and religous-filled. Fiona is just annoying and there and wont leave Kael alone, and she eventually becomes mute because he looses his calm with her and tells her to "just shut-up", and she likes him so much that she never speaks again. ooo. Great, now I just told you the secret of Fiona! -.-
Well my mom is getting Checkers for dinner... and I'm hungry so I think I shall sit criss-cross-apple-sauce in front of the door until she arrives and then smile largely at her when she actually makes it back. Tah-tah for now!
-EffenSweet
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Float On - Modest Mouse
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| Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
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8:59 pm - My Message to Krysta
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Ek is lief vir jou, Ek het jou lief, Te dua, Afekrishalehou, Ana Behibek, Nere Maitea, I mog di narrisch, gern, Ami tomAy bhAlobAshi, Lakh tirikh, Namumutan ta ka, Obicham te, kh nhaum-soro-lahn nhee-ah, Bon sro, lanh oon, Ngo oi ney, T'estim, Wo ie ni, Volim te, Ja te volim, miluji te, Jeg elsker dig, Ik hou van jou, Mina armastan sind, Mi amas vin, Tora dust midaram, Ik zie oe geerne, Mina" rakastan sinua, Je t'aime, Ik bin fereale op, dy Ik ha^ld fan dy, Ta gra agam ort, Ich liebe Dich, I mog Di ganz arg!, S' ayapo, Gujarati, Tane Prem Karoo Choo, Ina sonki, aNEE oHEIV otAKH, Ani ohev at, Mein Tumse Pyar Karta Hoon, Wa ai lu, Nu' umi unangwa'ta, Szeretlek te'ged, ?g elska ßig, Saya cinta padamu, Saya Cinta Kamu, Aku tjinta padamu, Saja kasih saudari, Ti amo, taim i' ngra leat, Kimi o ai shiteru, Men seny jaksy kuremyn, Nakupenda, Tangsinul sarang ha yo, Ez te hezdikhem, Te amo, Vos amo, Khoi huk chau, Es Tev milu, Nalingi yo, Ash miliu tave, Aheri, Me molas, tronca, Saya cintakan awak, Aku sayang engkau, Saya cintamu, Saya sayangmu, Inhobbok!, Wo ai ni, Konoronhkwa, Ayor anosh'ni, Niyakutanda, Jeg elsker deg, Eg elskar deg, Muje se mu habbat hai, Tora dost daram, Mahal Kita, Iniibig Kita, Ja Cie Kocham or Kocham Cie, Eu te amo, Te iu besc, Ya lyublyu tebya, Ya vas lyublyu, Tha gradh agam ort, Volim te, Ja te volim, Ndinokuda, Techihhila, lubim ta, Te amo, Nakupenda, Jag a"lskar dig, Ch'ha di ga"rn, Mahal kita, Gwa ai lee, Tamil Naan Unnai Kadhalikiren, Phom Rak Khun, Ch'an Rak Khun, Ha eh bak, Seni seviyorum!, Mujhe tumse muhabbat hai, Anh ye^u em, Toi yeu em, Ik hou van jou, 'Rwy'n dy garu di, Yr wyf i yn dy garu di, Ikh hob dikh lib, Ezhele hezdege, Tom ho' ichema, and last but not least... I love you.
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7:25 pm - What Would You Do If...
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What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Rape me:
Beat me up:
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6:48 pm - My Bed.
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Okay well people from Babcock called again today. It was the manager from the North office. He told my mom that she would have to pay a certain amount by tomorrow or they're going to take my bed. She made a deal with the old management that had just been there... like two weeks ago.
This guy is being weird... and annoying. My mom told him WHY this lady made the agreement. It was because my mom is a single mother... who had gotten caught back in her alamony. He said my mom was a lier and that none of that stuff existed. Um okay. We're sorry... you caught us. It's a story. We just thought we would tell a few people before actually publishing it. Ugh.
He also told my mom that she made the letter with the agreement on it. So the "agreement never happened"
Okay, well enough of that. Now onto randomness.
My toe hurts.
I have this scab on my chin... and I don't know where it's from.
I love Krysta.
Today while I was standing at the car rider area there was about two yards between Kayla and I and a girl asked "Excuse me." to get between us.
I had a dream that my hair was cut short.. and I got mad.
My hamster got out of his cage... and i found him while I was using that bathroom.
In TSA I have to take pictures of architecture around the school. Do we even have interesting enough architecture at our school for it to be worth to have a picture taken of it?
Wheel of Fortune is on... and its full of collage aged kids. I think most of them have grown up with the show and know how to work the game... and have known how to since they were seven.
I want to write more to my story, but I don't feel like it.
Fun.
I love Krysta.
-EffenSweet
P.S.- I have another sticker to symbolize Krysta and I's undying love for each other.
current mood: calm
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| Monday, February 14th, 2005
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6:59 pm - I have this heart... and----
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I have a heart sticker on my hand and it symbolizes Krysta and I's undying love for each other. *nods*
I just had to say that.
Well today is Valentine's day as most of you know. Either you like this Holiday... or you love it. I personally never liked it... Until this year because I actually have someone that I love as my valentine. There was that one girl who liked macaroni in kindergarten, there was Libbi in Becca in sixth grade.... (actually both Becca AND Libbi... but lets not talk about that) And in seventh grade... I think I was alone.
Well last night was the "WINTER JAM 2005" concert! I went with Krysta, Becca and Nicole. I arrived there... and Becca and Krysta were already there and found my pretty quick, and then Nicole arrived and found us standing by the police car. When she called me to find us... She called me on my mom's cell phone, and the ring tone was the same song playing off in the distance. It was weird. But cool.
We all sat down in the area Krysta's church was sitting in and Krysta and Becca went to the bathroom before the concert started. Nicole sat and drew some pictures and then.... got mad at them. After about 30 minutes Krysta and Becca arrived from the bathroom (I knew it took a while but... gosh) and Nicole was to mad at her drawing abilities and started wanting a light up blinkie thing. I told her thats nice.
The concert started out with people that no one really knew of. It was like "Okay... and these people are...?" So I just stood and listened to the music I had never heard before. After that they had this one dude that actually sang song that I knew. Most from my worship service at my church. I knew all of the words for about.. two songs and one I struggled with, but they have a screan for it.
More people came on, including a girl whose main chorus' conisted with noises... instead of words. We sat down for a couple of songs and I was sitting very close to Krysta the entire time. I wanted to ask her if she wanted me to hold her hand or not... but I didn't know when to brake into the "randomness". She asked me first and I accepted (duh!). By that time my medicine had kicked in from my cold/cough pill.. so i was really tired. Just sitting alone was making me tired and making me want to sleep, but then the warmness of Krysta's body against mine practically was the hardest thing to stay awake. The offering bucket came around and Nicole felt bad that she didn't have any money or something.. So I gave her my offering to put in it. I don't like putting offering in for some reason.
Next came intermission and I left to use the bathroom. There were about seven girls bathrooms and two boys! I found the first boys bathroom... but it was in the main area so I decided to find the other... I walked the wrong way and had to go all the way around to find it. This whole time I had to stay close to the wall (occationally getting pushed into it) and I was about to give up when I knew I had to walk to the other side of the church... but this very aggressive guy was in front of me... so i followed him. (I got there pretty quickly!)
The other bathroom had like... two people in it. I guess no one realized there was another bathroom down there. The bad thing was that I had worn the pair of pants that have buttons instead of a simple zipper. If you're not a guy... and have never peed into a urnal before... you wont get this next part. So while I was standing there... i like had to un button the pants (but before that I had to undo my belt... because that was also like... keeping them up) So I was standing there close to the urnal not trying to make a lot of movement... because if you make movement while at a urnal people look at you weird. *nods* So I was like calmly trying to do it, but finally succeded. (Sorry if this was to graphic for you girls out there!)
I returned to the seats about four minutes before the concert would start again... and everyone was gone! They arrived when the concert started... so that was good. After awhile Nicole had to leave and was mad. I was getting more tired as the concert wore on... so I sat down... and so did Krysta, which led to Becca sitting down also. I knew Krysta didn't know what to do... so i wanted to hold her hand to let her know it was okay, but she beat me to it.
After awhile Krysta had to go... so I decided I would go, too. They offered me a ride home... But I lived three if not two blocks away. I walked home and it was a nice night... cold though, which started to make my nose run. I wanted to be with krysta still... and still be warm, but that has passed, and it was only a memory that I would hold forever.
I got ready for bed and prepared Krysta's presents for Valentines day. I hugged her bear quick before I put it in the bag and kissed it softly, too. I feel asleep with a light feel of preasure in my hand. It was a memory my mind was still letting me hold onto physically. It was Krysta still holding my hand.
Then today. I came to school a little late and gave Krysta her present and Nicole her card. Nicole was... moody and like... seeming like she wanted to push me away. I ignored it and talking -- looked at Krysta alittle longer until we had to go to band. We went to band and Nicole was mad about Mr. Cuttel not providing the correct reid size for her. He got all 'teacher-ish' on her but then decided to try and help her out by acting hyper.
I saw her smile every now and then... I KNOW YOUR SECRET NICOLE!
The day passed... and I had taken a sticker off of Sherrill's card and put it on my hand, and one on krysta's hand. It was a heart. Hence the: "I have a heart stiker and it symbolizes Krysta and I's undying love for each other." I told many people that and it usually followed with a group of stares.
At the end of the day I wanted to give Krysta a kiss for Valentine's day... but I was sick and I didn't want her to have what I had and there was a random lady just standing there. I felt bad.
On the way home there was this one guy heavier guy with a white beard sitting on a bench. He also had a red long shirt on and black pants on with suspenders. He looked like Santa. I think he got the Holidays mixed up.
I decided to take a nap because I was tired from my cold and in the middle of my nap... some middle aged guy knocked on my door. My mom answered and he told her that he was coming to take my bed.... He was from babcocks where I got my bed. We made a deal with them while we were in a money-situation. Since then they got new management and our deal didn't hold through so they came for my bed... while I was currently sleeping on it. My mom told the guy (who was about three times bigger than her) to go away because she had a deal with them.
He left and said he would be back with the police. She called Babcock and they said they would talk to him... and sorry for in the inconvienience.
So thats all that happened for this two-day period. *smile*
-EffenSweet
P.S.- I got a supierior on my Solo for Solo Ensamble and I got a superior for the Clarinet choir. Ooo!
current music: Moses - Coldplay
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| Friday, February 11th, 2005
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7:29 pm
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Whats the point of news? Its annoying. The only thing its about is people dieing, things getting stolen, people getting raped, and many things of that sort. The News only makes more parents becoming more sheltering as the years go on. I wont be surprised to see someone on the News because OF the news turning them into a nervous wreck, and eventually going crazy themselves. I just dont see the point of it. It's so depressing.
Well today I'm still sick as you may know. Earlier today it was okay. My voice would just go weird every now and then or my throat would feel like it was on fire. Nothing big. Now its transfering into the cough part of the virus. Whenever I cough (which is about every two minutes... unless I fall into a deep coughing spell... which tends to happen) my chest has a shooting pain through it. It feels like someone is actually stabbing me. In the car on the way to my dad's I just randomly started coughing and I like needed to pull my legs to my chest to put presure on it so it wouldn't hurt so bad.
Also today, from a result of my cough I have been really moody. Lessson 1: Dont mess with Erik on a sick day. There has been only one person today that I haven't gotten the least bit mad at: Krysta. Yes, sadly Nicole got me mad. Usually I let her push me around on her "moody times" but I told her to go away and stuff of that sort... which usually led to her going away... and them coming back a minute later; still moody. That was mainly today for you. Two moody artists griping at each other.
Also many people besides Nicole got to see the moody side of me: Peter, Jake, Sherrill, Kayla... AND Mr. Doddy. Peter and Jake were being annoying, like usual, and were calling Sherrill names. There's no point of it! They call her a name, she gets upset, they snicker, repeat step 1-3. Thats it! I feel bad for Sherrill all of the time because she gets call names like that all of the time, and when she gets mad the teachers get after HER. So today while this process was going on (in the row infront of me) I was clentching my pencil... madly. So I yelled "Shut the fuck up". For one thing you have to get me pretty mad for me to even raise my voice...(unless your Tanisha... then its just natural) And for another, you have to get me EXTREMELY mad to make me say such a word as the f word. But of course... it being Erik... No on hears what he says. Peter and Jake heard me... so did Nicole, but everyone else just tunned it out.
Then in Science... ugh... Oh how I was getting mad in Science. Well in Science Mr. Doddy was going through all of the presentations and then he asked Nicole and I if we were going to read the story out-loud to the class. I could understand why he would ask because he had asked us all throughout the entire day... but he was just making sure. But he didn't stop there. No. He could just put it down... he begged for about ten minutes along with the class; the entire time reminding me of my father. My dad jokes around like that all the time... but never knows when to stop and thats where I usually get upset. Mr. Doddy asked over and over "Will you read it?" and I would tell him no... then the class started saying "PLEASE?!" And I would have to tell THEM no. Today just wasn't a good day for this to happen between me being moody and my sore throat.
At the end of the Science class Trevis kicked me... and Nicole told on him to Mr. Doddy and he said "good" so i hit him upside the head with a water bottle... Then he came into my homeroom and tried to take it from me but I attacked him with it numerous times on his side until her decided to stop... then he called me a "terd". v.v
I stayed after school for clarinet choir. Whenever Nick E. would mess up (the other 1st part clarinet) Mr. Cuttel would look at me. I just gave him a blank stare or ignored him because it wasn't me so why should I listen? Then Mr. Cuttel comes out with the whole "Don't breathe there" thing... where he's like "DON'T BREATHE!" whenever we breathe at all... Half the time I'm not even breathing in, I'm letting out access air I have stored up in my lungs. Unless he wants me to pass out, he's going to let me exhail there. End of conversation.
Once that was all over with my mom picked me up with news about our mail. Someone time ago our mail was like... not coming, but that was resolved... or so we thought. My mom's boyfriend sent her a package about... two weeks ago for Valentine's Day and he sent it so it would come within a couple of days... We haven't gotten it yet. So there was this long story behind it that I wont bore you with and my mom still doesn't have her valentine's day gift and she continued to whine "I WANT MY GIFT! ITS MINE!"
My mom and I went to Florida music center after school and we got my second piece of music for solo ensamble tomorrow. After that we went to Target for some "special" buissness. oooo mystery.
After that I went home and packed and my dad picked me up. We went to subway. The people there were weird... The first person asked my dad how many meatballs he wants on his sandwhich.... and then the second person was really slow... She like asked "Do you want tomoatoes?"...."No."....."Do you want letace?"....."No".... And she went through that for the entire food tray thing... not just simply asking me "What do you want on your sandwhich?".... So she finally got to the pickles and she like put two pickles on the sandwhich.... I looked down at it and back up at her. She asked 'Is that enough?".... I told her no and we went through the whole process until I finally had 15 pickles and 23 black olives. *nods*
Finally when we were leaving my dad opened the door and he left... leaving the door for me to leave open for myself... but he didn't notice how springy the door was and it hit me back in my face.... Talk about humiliating.
Plus I have a pimple forming.
-EffenSweet
current mood: calm
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| Thursday, February 10th, 2005
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7:01 pm - Chapter One Is Finally Done.
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Today I stayed home because I had a sore throat. I slept in until one o'clock and woke up missing Krysta. I know I drempt about her because I remember like... dreaming about her... but I don't know WHAT the dreams were. I'm pretty sure Nicole was in some of them too. *nods* I didn't get to see "The Village" because i didn't go to school today... obviously.
Yesterday I finished my first chapter for Unkind. This will be the last version... hopefully. Its the third one. I like how I set up my story. Most of the characters are based off of someone in my life. The first chapter is about the begining of Travis' story. Travis is based off of my friend Derik. Derik is gay in real life so I decided to make Travis gay also. Derik and I share one thing: Very legalistic parents. I can't even imagine how he feels about being gay and having parents like that. My dad is that way and I remember feeling liks a total sinner when I lied to him when I was five and I called him a "ho" when I was seven. (i didn't know what it meant!)
Since then I believe I haven't dissapointed him... and I work hard to try and not to dissapoint him. Thats why I can't even try to think how bad Derik must feel because he has parents like mine. With our religion you can't be gay (well... only if your not open minded)
The truth is no one knows if being gay is right or not, so we have to treat them like normal people also. There aren't many Christians that believe that way... and thats why I decided to start this chapter off on such a point of a thirteen-year-old thinking he might be gay.
Travis' parents, Mr. and Mrs. Konitsu, are based off of my father. My dad used to be very involved with the church, so I made Mr. Konitsu a pastor to make it more dramatic. My dad has changed since the very legalistic-freak that i knew in my begining years of childhood. Luckly he has changed SOMEWHAT... even though he had a few beliefs that annoy me, he still doesn't push it onto me, so thats good. I plan on making Mr. and Mrs. Konitsu change to be more loveable as the story goes on.
Kael, the male best friend, is based off of my "geeky side". He is very smart, clean, and worries a lot. Kael is going to be the information nerd. He is also going to go through money problems with his family... seeing how i went through that myself.
Fiha, the female best friend, is based off of Nicole. Nicole really wants to have a funky style, so I'm going to give that to Fiha. Nicole also loves the 80s so I gave that to Fiha. Fiha is also an artist like Nicole.
Dido, the left out Konitsu, is based off of Krysta. Eventually Dido and Kael are going to get together.. (this is where you say 'aw') Krysta feels left out in her family and doesn't feel like she's part of it. Krysta also used to cut, and I did to so I added that feature to Dido.
Apple, Avril & Genesis are just there. I really want to show how people can be spiritual and the not at the same time, and thats how the whole Konitsu family is set up. When I was younger my family was 'perfect' when we walked through those church doors. Everyone wanted to be like the Soderstrom family; they were perfect. *shakes head* Once we got home the drama kicked in... My brother and dad would start to make fun of my sister and her weight problem (which is PART of Genesis.. and thinking she is over weight) and my mom would hide in her shell.. away from the family and eventually going crazy. I think thats why I like crazy people... my whole family used to be. People say things that have happened to you in your past become humorous to you when you're older. I was also stalked when I was around ten, so thats why I think its so funny to add that into Fiha's character.
Keeva was based off of Maggie. Maggie is my ex who decided to sleep with another man while we went out; hence Keeva the slut.
Akira is based off of many people I have met in my life that take religion over the top. What I'm trying to say is that they put everyone else down that doesn't act like them which really annoys me. People who are not Christians don't want to be told that they're sinners... they want to be loved. You need to gain the person's trust before just braking into it.
There are many other characters that I have who aren't in this first chapter:
Chloe is based off of Sherrill. Sherrill gets called many names all of the time for no reason. Sherrill gets really mad at it... so it makes sense to make Chloe a homicidal freak.
Elmo is the entergetic side of me. Today in fact while I wasn't at school Krysta said that Trevor, someone who sits at my lunch table, said "Oh, its going to be boring" because I wasn't here. I didn't expect that, but Elmo is the class clown. Elmo and Chloe are brother and sister in the story... and eventually get put into the Insane Asylum... ooo.
Flair is based off of Kayla. Kayla is so blonde that it isn't funny. Once I asked her "What's 12 + 12?" while I was helping her with a math problem and she replied with "14". v.v There's Kayla for yah. Kayla and I also played a joke on this one clueless girl, Sara, and we told her that Kayla and I were cousins... She belived us and replied with "You do look a lot alike," so I made Kael and Flair cousins in this story.
Fiona is based off of three people. Fiona sticks around the Unkind troupe and is very obsessive. She is annoying and follows them around, continuously talking to them. So she's based off of Trevor in real life. Its sad because he's awesome... but he just... follows people around! Fiona is also obsessed with Kael so I got that from Brenda and Tallon, my ex girlfriends that STILL like me. Its weird whenever I walk past them. Very weird.
Owen is Kaels brother and is based off of my brother Shayne. Owen has a band like Shayne. I took shayne and I's relationship from when we were still living with each other and I gave it to Owen and Kael. Fun....
Otto is Owen's best friend. Otto is based off of MANY of shayne's friends. Eddy from the randomness, Cliford from his looks, and Robby from his druggy ways.
Kahal isn't exactally anyone... Its Nicole and I's joke of her perfect man. Fiha likes Kahal and starts stalking him. He was based off of Trevis (in real life) at one point, but she hates his guts (from what she claims) now.
Kael's mother is practically my mother.... That one is easy.
Thats my character role... so If i persuaded you into reading this story in anyway.... you can click here.
Hope you enjoy it.
-EffenSweet
current mood:  sick
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| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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7:11 pm - Days Go By.
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Yester I arrived home with no electricity. I was like... Okay? So I decided to sleep. I don't know how people in the 1800's lived without electricity. It's so... boring and nasty.
Today was "F-CAT WRITES+". Woooooo.... I don't get the whole plus... can't they just say 'We changed the F-CAT...so yeah. Sorry about that'? No they have to change the WHOLE name and get me confused... Curse you F-CAT and your confusing abilities!
The test itself was easy. I got a Persuasive essay. I got to write on why I thought teenagers waste too much time watching television. The paper on the test seemed to be longer... or bigger... or something than it was on the practice because on the practice I always get mad at myself for writing something so long and I have to squease my last paragraph in... but today I was getting mad because my paragraphs were the adverage size.... but i still had a half of a page left over!
The next part of the test couldn't hold us back.. because it was the first year they were going through with it.... so the first year is practically a sample to see how the next year will do it. So it was easy....
After every test there was time afterwards and we would just... sit... trying to kill ourselves from the frequent "sh" coming from the teachers. We we're even talking... they would just say 'sh'. People slitting wrists with their finger nails, trying to hang themselves with the straps of their bookbags, trying to make a gun out of s bar of soap and trying to shoot themselves in the head. It was like war! I'll tell yah.
After F-CAT my school went to the park to have a "breather". I ate and then our school had a picture taken of us.. the 8th grade on the main slide area. Fun!
After all of that Kryst and I went on the teater totter... to well... teater totter until Sherrill and Nicole would join us. After they arrived we went to the slide area... and slid... then we went to the jungle gym area and went on this one slidding thing... that has now made my back hurt... After that we all went to the Swings... ooo... Kayla and I played swing tag and Krysta sat in the wheel chair people's seat. She was adorable.
After two hours at the park we left to go back to the school on the bus and... um... well it smelt "colorful". I'll just say that. The bus ride home consisted of people constantly putting Nick Gunderson. He asks for it but sometimes I can't help but to feel bad for him. (don't let sherrill find that out) I mean he has no come back what-so-ever and he is just a deep lake full of things to make fun of. I mean c'mon, the kid shaves his arms!... Even though my brother DOES shave his armpit hair. But still -- off topic. Thats why I allow him to be by me... SOMETIMES. I just don't say anything and let him stay somewhere safe until Nicole, Kayla or Sherrill shoos him away.
When we arrived back at school the boys went into Mr. Doddy's class room and the girl's in Mrs. Doddy's classroom so we could have a talk on "pervertive-ness". Dr. Kessel came in and told us this: "Don't touch girls. Girls lie. Don't talk about sexual thing with girls. Girls lie. Don't touch them no matter what. Girls lie. Don't even be around them. Girls lie."
I get it... Girls lie OKAY. But my question way if girls lie... then she could be lying because she is indeed of the female gender... so she could be lying about females lying since she is a female herself. Think about THAT.
I think by fourteen years I know SOMETHING about girls and its not that they all lie. I can trust Krysta, Nicole, Becca, Sherrill and Kayla. I know I can trust them all... Well Kayla is alittle iffy.. but still! (she's blonde..) I know I can trust Krysta when she says "I love you" I'm not going to say 'Oh she's lying! I'm not going to listen to her!" Then she said we shouldn't even give girls the adverage hug. I felt like my old Asemblies of God church was telling me what to do... or worse.. My Grandmother.
I don't think she even knows I go to dances or the movies. My mom was telling me about the times when she snook out of the house to go to dances... at school. But back then -- and to this day dances are "evil" along with movies. In sixth grade I went to Canada for a family reunion. My grandma, aunt, uncle, cousin Jerry, Cousin Sherry, and their son Christian were all there. Kristin, caleb, my mom and I all came with them.
We went to Victoria on Vancoover Island. It was beautiful. My cousins, sister and I all decided we want to go see a movie... but with my Grandma there.. we had to practically sneak out. We told her we were just going out for a drive... but we had to prepare dinner also.. so it was sort of hard. But we eventually made it and she never found out.
But once the "lecture" was over we went back to our homeroom and Mrs. Walters had football playing... FUN! Because everyone knows how much i love football. I just have to have that football... Then mrs. bean came in and told Mrs. walters that tomorrow we HAVE TO READ during the fourth graders F-CAT... Mrs. Bean was all strict sounding. Mrs. Walter said "You can sleep, eat, draw, read... whatever" after Mrs. Bean left. She's awesome.
We were let go for the end of school and I hugged Krysta after Dr. Kessel specifically (and might I add used me at a diminstration on the subject) told me not to hug her. ooo i'm a reble now. *is bad*
-EffenSweet
current mood: excited
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| Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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1:01 pm - Super Bowl Sunday
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It's Super Bowl Sunday as you may know already by the screams of testosterone filled men running through Wal*mart picking up last minute bags of chips and 2 liters. What a wonderful season it is. I, myself don't really care for it. My whole entire family is anti-sports freaks which automatically lead me to be placed in the "dork" group when I started school. For their childrens sake, my parents tried to get us involved with sports. It was the same time of year and they decided to watch the Super Bowl with us, and us having no knowledge in sports... made us look like compleate fools. If you were to have been with us, thes are a few things you would have heard:
"HOME RUN!"
"SLAM DUNK!"
"Have they kicked off the puck yet?!"
"What's the score?"
"Five to Love!"
"That baseball is oddly formed..."
"HE TOUCHED THE BALL! THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES!"
"So... you want them to get that weird looking baseball through that Y looking thing?"
"Why are their sholders so big?!"
"OH MY GOD! HE'S MAKING IT! HE THROUGH IT! IT WENT OUT OF THE Y THING!... that's good... right?!"
Yeah... Our family is sadly dumb in that area of expertice. I'd rather watch the commercails.... When the flow of men come streaming out of the living room and into the bathroom all at once, I know its time for commercails. Whoot!
Now that's the European way.
-EffenSweet
current mood: content
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| Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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8:23 pm - Twelve Questions...Wait... there are thirteen... weird...
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01. Name:
02. Age:
03. Where on earth do you live:
04. What makes you happy:
05. What have you been listening to lately:
06. Do you enjoy reading my LJ:
07. If so, why:
08. Interesting fact about you:
09. Are you in love at the moment:
10. If so, with whom:
11. Favorite place to be:
12. Favorite quote:
13. Will you post this in your LJ:
RECOMMEND
01. A movie:
02. A book:
03. A band, song or album:
My answers:
01. name: Erik David Soderstrom
02. age: Fourteen
03. where on earth do you live: That one place with a lot of food.
04. what makes you happy: Krysta...
05. what have you been listening to lately: Does my step-mom complaining count?
06. do you enjoy reading my LJ: Yes.
07. if so, why: It tells me how you're feeling... and how I can help.
08. interesting fact about you: I tend to have bad dreams when I eat bread before bed.
09. are you in love at the moment: Yes
10. if so, with whom: Krysta Ledford.
11. favorite place to be: Anywhere near Krysta.
12. favorite quote: "There's nothing to fear, except fear itself."
13. will you post this in your LJ: Okay?
RECOMMEND
01. a movie: The Truman show!
02. a book: Mine?
03. a band, song or album: Modest Mouse and The Polyphonic Spree is always nice to listen to..
current mood: calm
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12:13 pm - Who Ever Said Being a Teen Would Be Easy?
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Okay well I went to my Harrison audition on Thursday. I think I did good. Hopefully. I dont know. But I'll find out by March 3rd.... oh so far away.
The rest of my week was mainly preparing for the audition so... there wasn't anything interesting happening then.
I have writers block and its annoying me because I have to finish my Tsunami story by Monday. Nicole and I also get to read it infront of the class... wonderful. v.v Its going to sound all... ah.
Friday I was all hyper for some reason. I got to help decorate the for the dance that night, too. Krysta and I made big balloon things...
After school I had to stay after for Clarinet Choir and then my practice with my pianist for Solo Ensamble piece. Mr. Cuttel decided to place Nicole and I together for the seating arrangements... and that was a bad idea. Nicole and I laughed through the whole thing. lol. But Mr. Cuttel kept saying and doing funny things... it was awesome.
That night was the dance. My mom had to park in the school parking lot after dropping me off so she could meet with my sister to pick my nephew up... If my sister were to have found me.. she would have come up to me and make my life misserable by embarrassing me.
Good thing I went into the dance before she arrived.
The dance had bad music as usual. Krysta and I were able to share our first slow dance with each other. *nods*
Its hard having a girlfriend/best friend and then having another female best friend... You can't entertain them both at once because then they both feel not as special... just like normal and stuff... and then when you pick one of them the other gets jealous. Most of the time they don't even have to tell you... you can just tell from their expression. Gr. thats all i have to say about that.
Today my step mom and I prepared lunch for a wedding we wern't even invited to. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Well one of our friends from our old church is being placed with all the dirty work for this wedding... so we decided to help them out. The girl getting married i have known since I was four and their family has been a friend of mine... so we don't feel left out in the least bit.
-EffenSweet
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| Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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3:27 pm - Great. People my age.
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Okay well today i woke up for church alittle late. I decided why not even care about my wardrobe and hair style for the day because my church is filled with people I count as family. We've all been around each other on our off days and understand, and besides they're all older than me, or younger than me... by atleast eight years seven years either way. So I just went in whatever I found lying around and just left my hair alone.
I arrived and Shayne only came. Ashley had to work. Everyone arrived like usual. Josh, Chris, David, Amanda and so on. John, the music director, didn't show up because he was stuck in tennesee or something so Josh, the clown (no... litterally... his job is to give out balloon characters at Universal), was the music person. Halfway through the service I noticed someone my age. Oh great. Its not that I don't like teenagers my age, its just i want to kill them. Thats simple enough, right? I have been raised around old people and I have adapted to their envoirment. I have even learned how to conversate with them: talk very slowly. Nah just kidding... the oldest people at the church is my dad, only fifty-one. Heh... only... *wink*
So I realized this in amazement and then became self conious. I was all... like... not looking normal. But I ignored it and him.
The service was good. Chris was talking about how you shouldn't rush from point A to point B. You should wonder around and "smell the flowers" as people say it. He was talking about how people are always in a rush from point A to B, but in religion tence.... Point A is when you start your journey with God. Otherwise becoming saved. And point B was Heaven, so you had all the time between to make sure you get there, and still have a good time. I like his sermons a lot... most of them seem to help my dad, who is the King of getting to the point and not leaving time to do extra stuff.
So the sermon ended and I stuck around Shayne and Josh for awhile. Afterwards I talked to Chris and the other boy my age was near him. Luckly Chris isn't the type to push friendships. I'll get to know the kid after a few sundays and either like him... or not. Either way I'll have to be nice. If he is a good christian and follows the rules then I'll probably get along with him... but if not... No.
After church my dad and step-mom brought me to Ryans with Dave and his wife Lisa. (The fellow elders... they're about forty something... after them there is Chris and his wife at 35 and one other elder couple... besides that... all collage aged students who count me as their "little brother"). They talked for a while and the subject of the boy's father came up. It seems like his dad is a youth paster from a big church in Miami, but they just recently moved to Lakeland so they might end up staying and starting a youth group. That would be cool...I guess. But then also stressful. I've been in the whole "churchy" kinda church for my whole life... you know where you have to dress in ties and a nice shirt... Well I just hope it doesn't happen here. I like the whole laid back style... just t-shirt and jeans. Its awesome and totally Chris. I think if they start a youth program I will really start to invite my non-church attending friends. I think they would really like this church, not so... up tight like most churches that tend to "burn people down" or "put people down".
Another good thing is that this church doesn't care about your background. You might have been delt in drugs before, you might have been in jail... but we still love you. But remember thats still a wrong thing to do. Thats the attitude there.
My brother's friend who we suspect is a CIA agent came to church today. He plays a ukilalli type string instrument.
At Ryans I ate my brains out! I have no idea why. I only ate three plates of food... (lol... only that makes it sound like I'm fat). but they have small plates... I SWEAR!
but I ate three plates... and I think that has been the most I have EVER eaten in my lifetime. I ate it all before anyone else was done with their second plate... and after everyone was done eating they like talked for an hour... and I was groaning the whole time from a stomach ache. lol.
I thought of another way to set up my Unkind story. I'm still going to keep the version i have now... but every three chapters will be about one characters life. The first chapter I want to have an introduction type thing and then the second one can be about Travis, third about Fiha and fourth about Kael... then the fifth continuing from the second with Travis again, Fiha with the sixth and Kael with the seventh... I don't know if thats to much... because the readers might forget the information they had read two chapters before, but its the only way I can figure out having all of my Unkind stories morfe into one. Then I could always have random chapters about other characters lives like Chloe and Elmo in the insane asylum... and Flair on her period with going out with Otto and like making his life misserable. Another good thing about this for my benefit would being able to be writing all of my characters... because I miss Kael and Fiha right now as I'm writing Travis.
I think I want to make the story... go all the way through till collage again... because I am finding more and more ideas for them...and I can't fit it just in one year. And it would really be fun showing their teenage jobs and begining to drive years.
*hugs characters and hopes for the best*
Oh yeah... and then my dad is like begging to read my story... I told him no in a way that he said I looked like my brother. I told him lets not get dirty.
I don't want my dad to read my story! It had a gay guy in it and the gay guy's dad is based off of my dad. No! And then theres like... weird people in there and stuff. He thought i was already crazy for the poem I made for a school assignment.
Oh yeah! And the poem won out of the school with three other poems. Everyone had to make a poem and three of them got picked to go to the county contest. I think the winners get to have their poem published in a book... which would be cool. The poems picked were Krysta's, Matt's and mine. Here it is:
Fear of Insanity
-By-
Erik Soderstrom
As I lay motionless on my bed
Numerous voices speak within my head
They persuade me into thinking evil
And have moved me towards actions that are illegal
There are no people around me
As there used to be
They all ran and screamed
From the being they called “monsterly”
Though, I have to admit
I hate the pale undecorated walls
Even more than the voices’ piercing calls
The walls become sucked in
Like a lack of pressure in a box made of tin
I feel alone and left out from society
Cooped up by people
From fear of insanity
I scream for my life
As if I was being stabbed with a knife
By horror of the area I stay
Called: “The White Padded Room”
...Yeah so now everyone calls me weird dude with voices in his head. Well it wasn't about me... it was in a crazy person's point of view! So yeah.
-EffenSweet
current mood:  blank
current music: The Celts by Enya
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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10:41 pm - Harrison Heat.
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Okay well today my dad made me wash the car he is going to sell... which is good because he's finally going to sell one of his million cars he has collected over the years.
He told me if I were to wash the car that he would give me the money I earned from getting six A's on my report card. $10 for each A. Except $5 off for each B... so $55 dollors... but he told me he would give me 5 more for washing the car which made $60 after all.
After I washed the car he said "Now lets wash the dodge!".... I laughed in his face and went into the house.
Janie, my step-mom, decided she would need a suit for her interview on Monday for a buissness job. She left at 8... and returned at 6. She left for only ONE suit and came home with about sixty. It looked like Mimi's wardobe off of Drew Carry. Scary. Very. Mainly because she had gone to the thift store for all of them. She was telling me on how much they would really cost if she got them new... but I didn't care because new or not... they were still ugly.
After that she told me how she didn't feel like cooking so therefore we wern't going to eat. Luckly my dad pulled through and called for Pizza.
After dinner we watched Harry Potter two. It was better than the first... I liked the moaning mary girl who was really emotional.
Today Sami pushed my wrong buttons. She tends to do that at the worst of moments and just decides she was joking. Once she had told me to "fuck off" and to me... that meant she hated me, mainly because... she sorta TOLD ME TO EFF OFF. She said she was joking and I forgave her, still hurt from her choise of words to describe her feeling. Today, right after I had told my dad I wasn't going to wash the dodge and I was still outragged that he would even ask me such a thing after spending four hours on his other car, Sami ask "So how is your little perfect life going?". Uh. Perfect. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
It just pushed my wrong buttons so I blocked her. She doesn't know how hard and how emotionless I have to act sometimes to just seem normal -- well weird but thats the most normal I can get. It helps over the pain i guess. I try to ignore the stupid stuff in my life and think of the good, but its just hard sometimes and but even then I can't let my friends and family see me down because it bugs me.
People only sometimes see what they say "the perfect erik" because I work hard for it, and most of the time it only causes more pain.
But lets change the subject.
After Harry Potter I practiced my clarinet alittle for harrison. I still have to learn the second octive for three scales... well two I learned one tonight. This next week i'm going to have to eat, breathe and sleep clarinet until my audition on the 3rd. *sigh*
I also have to finish my Tsunami story for science this week... I'm like only done with my first chapter and I have to have three to play out the whole story.
I miss Krysta. A lot. She has been grounded fromt he computer... and it made me sad. I got to talk to her on the phone for a long time on thursday though which made me extremly happy because we were talking a lot.. except there were some awkward silence moments, but besides that it was awesome. Wow, I'm just getting happy thinking about the conversation. I love her so much. ^.^
-EffenSweet
current mood: depressed
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| Thursday, January 27th, 2005
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4:52 pm - UGH!
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A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
....I just had to read this... AND YES I AM PARANOID!
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4:05 pm - "I can read lips Nicole."
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Okay well today was interesting. Okay no it wasn't but I like to pretend it was. In band Mr. Cuttel was all happy on how well we did today. I didn't hear a difference... but he's weird. In TSA I worked out my power point with my digital pictures on it while Kristina sat next to me. She is so funny to listen to. She is always complaining about something but how she does it just cracks me up. A lot of people were late for English. According to Mrs. Doddy she was "getting us ready for high school". I think everything they say is a myth. There is no freshmen hell week... there is no hard work... Highschool is just easy. And if you're in highschool... don't try and tell me otherwise... because I know that they tell you to lie or else they'll send the CIA on you. I know these things. *nods*
In math we did some easy F-CAT Practice work. If the F-CAT is as "hard" as that thing... then I'll pass.. with no trouble.
In social studies we had a test... and i did good. For lunch we had to eat in our class because of testing in the lunch room... so I missed seeing krysta.
In Science I continued thinking out my plan... and after school I actually went through with it... Feel happy for me. I kissed Krysta on the cheek. *bows*. Yeah, yeah... it might not be anything big for you... but it is for me.
And now Krysta's sad.. so I'm going to go and try to chear her up.
-EffenSweet
current mood: sad
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| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
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6:22 pm - Failure.
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It was Science and I was slowly shading a picture Nicole had finished. As I was coloring in the light violet color I was plotting out my plan. There was a lame movie in the background that our Sciece class was supposed to be watching even though half of our class was holding their own conversation.
I glanced over at the eyes of the character drawn on the piece of paper. She was a symbol of royalty. Her eyes were violet. I loved eyes. Especially violet ones. The picture of the eyes in my mind reminded me of her eyes. Oh how I loved her eyes. A bright shade of blue that made me shiver. Her eyes were deep, and held her inner most thoughts, I just had to figure them out.
My mind was brought back to the plan. How would it work exactally? It would happen quickly, like everything -- that is except the movie going on in the background. That on the other hand was endless. I finished the shading of the picture and was happy with the work that Nicole had demanded me to finish.
The class was almost over, and the time was coming of the plan to start to take place. I decided as I was glaring at the TV I would actually finish the plan.
Wrap hands around waist, then do it. No. Do it then hug. No. Well. Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe. Okay. Yes.
"Class over! You guys were good. Good job guys. Good job." The teacher announced.
I rolled my eyes at the overly nice teacher and left the classroom. I saw a glance of her as I walked to homeroom. It was her. Her. Yes, her. My heart began to beat with nervousness. It wasn't time for the plan to begin, but she was still in my presence. My arm twitched, but I casually made it look like a wave. Sadly she had already past so I was waving at the wall.
I walked into homeroom trying to act calmly, still calming my twitching hand. The people stared at the freak waving at the walls with an awkward look. I smiled nervously.
My teacher handed me my report card. "A, A, A, A, A, A, B?!" I whispered. A b. Great. I really wanted all A's, but I failed. One subject I was sure to get and A in.
I stood in the car rider line to exit homeroom when I saw her through the window in the door. I smiled nervously again towards her to find that she had turned around. I had smiled at the door.
She left her homeroom and I left mine. I caught up with her and Nicole.
"I got a B.." I said in a grouchy voice.
"Oh my God! It's a B! Let's all panic," Nicole shouted sarcasticly.
"Ugh... whatever," I mumbled and got a good look at her. Krysta. My heart began to thump faster again. I began to think if if was twitching instead of beating really quicky. Nah.
We walked down the halway with Nicole and Krysta adding random comments to Nicole and Krysta's conversations. We walked into the Band room and Nicole walked across the room.
"What is she doing?" Krysta asked.
"I don't know. She's weird." I replied simply.
Krysta nodded and we walked into the intrument room and we both got our own instruments. We walked out to the hallway and met up with Becca. We walked until our parting.
Now was the time. Now. Now! My heart began to beat intencely. I gulped.
I rapped my hands around her and gave her a hug. While I was hugging I was thinking about the plan, if she could feel my heart beat, if she would be surprised, if it were to go wrong what would I do, and then I remembered I needed more deoderent. I went blank.
We parted and it was to late. To effen late. Becca smiled and laughed and lead Krysta on down the hallway.
I failed in another subject. Love. Wonderful.
I walked into the car rider line and held back the tears screaming for realese. I could cry. It was rare. But I couldn't cry... in public. I stared down at the floor in self pity.
+++++++++
Okay well that's all that really happened today. I felt like writing.. so yeah.
-EffenSweet
current mood:  frustrated
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005
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9:21 pm - Practice
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Yesterday I went to my brother's band practice... and its going good. They have four distinct songs that I can tell from all of the others... they're just all awesome. They need to make more unique songs, though. Those are what really hit the audience.
The people's house that they were having the practice at... was huge... it was awesome. The mom of the family is a judge and the father is a police man... so I guess thats why.
Church was good, and it really sent a message to me. I just wish I could remember what it was.... gr. See if I were to have written this entrie yesterday... I would have remembered.
Harrison auditions are supposed to be coming soon. I really need to nail my solo and scales down this week. I feel so depressed and sad at the weeks go on. If I dont make it into harrison I wont be able to be with Krysta nor Nicole. And thats just... really saddening. I feel all blah... because the orientation for Lake Gibson is on the 3rd... and I have to go just in case the whole Harrison thing doesn't work out.
I haven't even gotten a harrison letter yet telling me my date and time for the audition. My audition time will only be ten minutes long... three minutes for a solo...or solos for multiple songs... and then I'm guessing 2 minutes for scales... and then a quick interview. I wonder what they're going to ask.... Like... "do you like your clarinet?".... I wonder what their face would be if I were to say no. Because the truth is.... I hate the clarinet. I only play it so I can get into the stupid school and get scholorships for a good collage.
Then the trouble is... if I do make it... then I have to stay after school for so many hours... and like three days a week... *sigh*... They're going to make me into a Kenny G robot. That sucks major monkey balls.
What worries me the most... is if I do go to Lake Gibson... what if Nicole finds a new best friend... and Krysta finds a new person to like. I might not be totally thrown out of their life... I'll still be their normal friend... but they will have other people. Just think about it... Nicole is going to harrison for art. She is going to make is for sure... because I just know her tallent. She is probably going to find some other art lovers... to be able to talk to... who will understand her and stuff... and then she'll be off in her own world.
Then in Krysta's case... she's going to be in high school for goodness sakes... someone as pretty as her is going to get hit on and stuff, and she might end up liking one of them... She wouldn't be able to help it... nor would I. I would be helpless to keep her... And then her mom also doesn't let her out anywhere with me.. because she thinks its a date... so when would we see each other?
Okay now I'm just getting emotional. *mumbles*... strong erik.... strong...
*sigh*... Well those are just the paranoid thoughts going through my mind....
I just wish Harrison had an exeption for an amature writer... that would be awesome. Or if i could just get into Lakeland... I would still be able to have classes with the two. Well tah-tah for now.
-EffenSweet
current mood: depressed
current music: The View by Modest Mouse
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| Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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10:27 am - ..Old people don't kill.. they die.
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It’s hard to see your parents grow older. I’m experiencing it right now, and it’s hard. From now on there will be no hiding from the fact. The constant complaining of their back hurting, the problems they’re finding with their bodies… You can’t turn away from it. Your parents need you… and you need to help them. I’m only at the age of fourteen… so I’m sort of helpless at this point. My brother just seems to get scared of the subject… so he seems to try to ignore it, and Kristin helps in all of the wrong places.
My dad is becoming softer as the years go on, and grayer might I add. He has hurt me emotionally, and finically many times, but he’s still my father, and I love him. He’s only fifty-one, but he still is going for surgery. But I have to admit it is quite funny when my dad’s wife walks out with a trunk and declares that she is going to fill the medicine bottles for the week. Fifteen pills a day. It’s going to become twenty.
My dad gave my mom a letter, explaining to her that she can now work, and not have to pay half. I think he wants to know that she has a plan B just in case he can’t pay up for awhile from not being able to work from the surgery. If not, Janie was the one to talk it into him.
-EffenSweet
current mood: crushed
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| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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8:30 pm - Family Time.
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Okay well today was the day of my nephew's third birthday party. My sister had been preparing for this day all week.
Before I went to the party my step-mom went to blockbuster and got the first Harry Potter movie so I could see it. The thing is... I didn't ask her to get it for me... and I didn't want to see the movie. But if you know anything about my stepmom.. then I guess you know she's the pushy type.. so I just watched it with her for the sake of no conflict.
We didn't get to finish the movie because we had to go to the party before the movie ended. I had about five minutes to change from my "morning look" (which usually consists of my hair sticking up in the air and my woredrobe being boxers and a t-shirt) and I managed to look acceptably good within that little of time.
We arrived alittle late, but nothing big had happened. Everyone was stuffed in the house... so I decided to go outside and watch Caleb and Logan play around. After five minutes my mom arrived. My brother never made it. I'm guessing its from the anxiety of my dad and mom being in the same house. I have to admitt, though, it doesn't take the stress off of Kristin and I's plate. Especially when we were eating and my dad was to my left, and my mom to my right...
For most of the party I was off to the side with two other old ladies sitting on the couch... but when I was assigned to a job... it was either because I was smaller than any other older person... or because I had nothing else better to do.
The first job I had was helping the little kids down the slide.. ooo... I was the only one that could fit in the little treehouse thing that could help the kids down... so yeah. That was my job. I have to admitt when Logan grinned at my with that small little chunky face... I started to actually like my job.
Caleb, on the other hand likes to ignore me when no one else is around. When all of the old people got tired of watching him... He ran to me for his mental support and I started playing ball with him.
Logan, who is Calebs cousin and is only about... one, also played ball. Since he just recently has learned to walk, he was practically wobbling around. Today we really grew a stronger bond. Whenever the grown ups would pay attention to the little kids... it would only be Caleb, so Logan was just left by himself. Luckly he is a very content little boy... but whenever he looked alone I would sit besides him and become his playdate.
When the um... I have no idea how to spell it.. um the thing you hit... and its a spanish word... and I'll try to spell it... pinyada..? Well yeah. When the little three-year-olds tried to hit it... it like.. moved an inch... so Luis's sister, Chrissy, decided to brake it open for them. Its weird to see a grown women braking open a pinyada.
Then it was present time. I had never seen any child get so many presents... Gosh. Plus all of the other little jealous kids were crying over him being able to open them. This one girl had such a high voice when she cried.. that you just had to laugh over it. I know it seems mean... but at the time.. it was just so funny.
Then... Caleb got his last present from his parents. It was a moterized fire engine (a little riding one of course)... except.. it wasn't little.. it was huge. And it had like... a water gun in it... and Luis kept spraying me. -.-
Then I was given the job of the video camera guy... Fun. I got to tape all of the fun everyone else was having.
All of the old people started talking about how I looked like caleb... and how he could be my son. Ugh yeah. Son. Besides the fact that I was eleven when he was born, and might I add my body wasn't even able to produce anything sexual at the time. *shakes head* I much had rather them say that we looked like brothers. Not son... me + son + 11 = no.
But then we had cake. Very good cake may I add. It had blkue frosting because of the whole blues clues thing going on... And then I had many pictures taken of me. Most of them I was giving the evil glare into the camera...I liked those the best.
Then when I came home... we finished watching the movie and I started thinking how I missed Krysta... then I remembered the dream I had the night before. I hadn't remembered it until that time.
Disclaimer: Remember last night was the night Krysta and I said that we loved each other to one another... which probably lead to this dream.
Well the dream was with me and Krysta at the age... of around seventeen. We were still going out and my brother was married, and had just found out he was going to have a baby with his wife, ashley. My sister had just found out she was going to have a baby also. And then Krysta told me she was pregnant... but we were both siked... because... we hadn't... had.. that.
Well then Nicole showed up and was like "Nice one there..." and being all sarcastic with us.. so we locked her out of the house we were in. I dont know whose house.. it was just a house... and then all of the sudden these three babies popped up. Shayne's, Kristin's and mine... they were just there... but we couldn't figure out which one was whose... so we just picked one... and then like.. nine years past.... and I my daughter was like.. portacrian... which means I picked out kristins baby... and Kristin had a peruvian baby... which means it was shaynes... and shayne had a blonde haired child... which means it was mine and krysta's... but we were already to attached to our children.. to give them up...so we just kept them... and then krysta and I were fourteen again.. without a child... and we were on a date type thing.. and she was really quiet... and she never said anything. And I have no idea why I'm saying this whole dream... So I wont go any further.
So yeah. *nods*
-EffenSweet
current mood: blah
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